Friday, September 5, 2008

For Grant...Join Facebook

Wow...this is my second post in under 24 out, John...I'm catching up!!!

This post is dedicated to my good friend,'s a picture of him with Ben and I:

Grant is one of those people who refuses to join Facebook (or any other social networking site, for that matter) because he insists that people still like him enough to pick up the phone and call.  (And, we do like you Grant...just don't want you missing out on the "fun.")  So...for the last several months...Grant and I have had a little war going.  My goal is to wear him down until he finally caves and joins Fb.  We've gone back and forth sending each other messages almost every day via text, email, in song, poems, had messages drafted to each other from 'The Facebook Team' name it.  It's actually been quite fun(ny).  We've even gotten our spouses and friends involved.  All of that to say, I am running out of ideas to subliminally brainwash Grant, so I have resorted to the blog...  

And, in honor of Grant...I came across this great blog entry I had to copy and post.  (From - GREAT blog, hilarious...check it out!)  So...without further adieu...

#106 on the list of Stuff White People Like: FACEBOOK

Social Networking sites have been embraced by white people since their inception. Because these sites use profile pages, white people can more efficiently judge friends and future friends on their taste in film, books, music, and inspirational quotes. Advanced level white people, fearful of being judged on their tastes from last week, will often only list one or two ironic things as their favorites. For example under music they would simply list “P.M. Dawn” or under films they would choose only Armageddon. In both cases these ironic answers serve as protective shields from the harsh gaze of other white people.

However, it is important to remember that the “where” is often as important as the “who” when it comes to social networking. As noted in earlier posts, white people are obsessed with being in the right neighborhood and the Internet is no exception.

In the early days, white people joined a social networking service called Friendster where they could connect with old friends and make new ones. Eventually, white people started to notice more and more of their friends on MySpace, so they closed their Friendster accounts and migrated to the new service. It was like living in a neighborhood that was pretty good but kind of far away, so you might have to miss out on a few parties. Needless to say, this was unacceptable.

For a brief period of time, MySpace was the site where everyone kept their profile and managed their friendships. But soon, the service began to attract fake profiles, the wrong kind of white people, and struggling musicians. In real world terms, these three developments would be equivalent to a check cashing store, a TGIFridays, and a housing project. All which strike fear in the hearts of white people.

White people were nervous but had nowhere else to go. Then Facebook came along and offered advanced privacy settings, closed networks, and a clean interface. In respective real world terms, these features are analogous to an apartment or house with a security system/doorman, an alumni dinner, and a homeowners association that protects the aesthetics of the neighborhood. In spite of these advances, some white people still clung to their old MySpace accounts. That was until they learned that Facebook started, like so many things beloved by white people, at Harvard.

Within a matter of months, MySpace had gone from a virtual utopia to Digital Detroit, where only minorities and indie bands remain.

If you plan on befriending white people, it is essential that you join them in the digital suburbs and open a Facebook account immediately. It’s also a good idea to make up a story about how someone from high school sent you a friend request and after accepting you discovered that they were fat and unsuccessful. White people love these stories.

1 comment:

Kym said...

that made my are quite comical and find the greatest things!