Thursday, December 18, 2008

Missing Baby P

Although we are incredibly blessed by wonderful families, friends, and a Savior who was born and gave His life for us...  There's a part of me (a very large part) that is greatly missing Baby P this Christmas.  It hit me last night as I was finishing all of our wrapping and putting the gifts under the tree.  I had a little pity party for myself, and sadly thought that there should be gifts for one more tiny person under there.  

For all of you who have experienced problems in getting pregnant or having children, you'll understand when I say that this Christmas was my cut-off point.  I often thought to myself, that if we aren't pregnant by this Christmas, then something must be wrong and we need to go see someone.  (Secretly, though...I just KNEW that we would have a third member of our family joining us this Christmas.  Clearly God has other plans.)  Obviously, by somewhat of a fluke, we found out much earlier than this Christmas that there were some problems.  For that, we are thankful because it allowed us to start on the adoption journey for Baby P much earlier.  I keep telling myself that that means we will be holding Baby P that much sooner.  =)  

Some good news on the adoption front... Our attorneys have purchased the rights to several more adoption websites which will be featuring us as a waiting family after the holidays.  This gives us more exposure, although it is bringing more paperwork...and pictures.  Ugg.  So worth it, though.  Other good news, is that they are making placements of newborns almost EVERY DAY...which is encouraging.  (A little side note here... I am crazy competitive, so when I see another couple disappear off of the websites because they've been picked, it kind of brings out the worst... just being honest.  Prayers, please!)

As of TODAY...we have been officially waiting for one full month.  Not a long time, I know...but I am dreading what could be a long wait of months to come.  But...despite all of the waiting... we have great hope.  This wonderful season of Christmas reminds us of that.  

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders.  And He will called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

We are truly enjoying this Christmas, though, and having some fun...  Ben was amazed at the amount of gifts Baby P is giving this year - amazed that someone who has not yet joined us, could push us so far over our Christmas budget...oops! =)  Hope you and your family are having a wonderful time as well!  Many thanks, time and time again, for the continued prayers!


Meg said...

hey holly, it's meg harris (watwood now). i meant to respond to "cyber stalking" but i didn't :). your post today touched me so much. after having my daughter (3.5), my husband and i have been suffering from unexplained infertility for 2 yrs. i have cried so many times about missing someone i do not even know, and how our family feels totally incomplete. after lots of fertility treatments we found out last week that we are pregnant, and i would not be surprised if you and i both have newborns at the same time! i know Christmas 2009 will look much different for both of us. infertility was the #1 hardest thing i have ever been through. your adoption journey is so inspiring and exciting!! keep in touch!! XOXO, meg

Holly Floyd Peterson said...

Thank you so much, Meg - it's so great hearing from you!! My prayers will be with you, your family, and the little one on the way!

And...I will be officially stalking your blog now! =)

Amy said...

Hey, Holly! Just wanted to let you know that I've been checking up on your blog frequently. I'm greatly enjoying all of your entries, especially hearing about the Baby P journey. Know that I'm praying for you all.

Jaime said...

Praying for you guys, Holly. I love your honesty. You guys have a merry christmas!

David Toledo said...

You know that I'm praying for your search for Baby P, but I had to laugh when I read that you would get upset when you saw other couples disappear from the sites. We are all so competitive...especially when it is something we care about so much. It's all in God's time!

Kym said...

Holly, you are a true inspiration to me. I know times are tough with the waiting...believe me when I say, I'm RIGHT THERE with you...just on a different front. Your words truly stretch me. Know I love you and pray for you daily!

Shelby said...

Hey Holly, I just wanted to let you know that i am praying extra for you guys this Christmas. It must be so difficult. Just keep your eyes focused on Christ and his wonderful timing. Waiting for his timing is one of the most ridiculously difficult things, i know you are strong and you can do it. You are a great encouragment to us all. I love yall.

Amanda said...

I'm sorry for the pain that comes with the wait. It's no fun at all! We've been on the path to increase our family for five years now, and the waiting is no more hard today than it was years ago. It can be a long, miserable process.

It can also be a really good time to find out things about yourself and things about God that you could never before imagine. His faithfulness is unreal, and He will carry you through those long, lonely days.

I think this wait has to be a lot like pregnancy. Your spend months feeling miserable, waiting for end you can only imagine. At times, you think this is much too hard and maybe secretly swear you'll never do it again. But then the day comes that that baby arrives, and you forget all the heartache, the pain, the impatience. Every single bit of the struggle disappears when you hold that tiny little baby in your arms. (And before you know it, you're ready to go through it all again and again and again.)

Continuing to pray...

Anonymous said...

Waiting is so hard! A verse that encourages me in my waiting:
"The message I give you waits for the time I have appointed. It speaks about what is going to happen. And all of it will come true. It might take a while. But wait for it. You can be sure it will come. It will happen when I want it to." Habakkuk 2:3 (NIRV)

Shae said...

Oh Holly, you and Ben are going to make some little baby the luckiest baby in the world. I can't think of two better people to be parents. We will keep you in our prayers! It's cool to think that God already has the perfect little baby picked out for you! Can't wait to see what he has in store for you thing is for sure- it will be great!

Christian Family said...

We are praying!
God has the PERFECT child already picked just for YOUR FAMILY...and though I know it is hard...please know that there are SO MANY thoughts and prayers being lift up to our FATHER for you and Ben...and for BABY P!!!
Love you guys!

Sundey said...

Holly, another really meaningful, courageous post from you. That same courage that is allowing you to open this process up for public consumption will no doubt strengthen you during this time. And all of this waiting will make the arrival of Baby P that much sweeter and more precious.

Sometimes when I'm around other people's kids, I just don't have patience for them, but somehow no matter how crazy things get I always have enough for my kids. I think because God always matches us with the perfect child for us, which is why they are worth the wait. So those other people are getting matched with children that match them, and soon God will bring you the child that is perfect for you and Ben.

Also, it cracks me up how you talk about frugal Ben is. Does he have a calculator watch? I feel like he might.

Molly said...

I hear you on this one! I felt the same way when Mother's Day hit and I thought we would have been "picked" by then. My heart ached for our child. I also was very competitive about seeing other couples disappear. I would tell Blake and he'd say, "We can't have them all Molly!"

I would like to though...every sweet last one of them!

Thanks for your honesty and I will be praying for you this Christmas!

Jenni said...

Merry Christmas Holly! Your family is in my thoughts and prayers! Baby P will be one lucky and loved one! I have stalked your blog and shared it with a friend of mine here in The Woodlands who is struggeling and trying to adopt as well!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Holly,

I know your Mother in law from old Harwood Terrace days. We had Jeff in our youth group. Carol sent us their Christmas letter and mentioned your blog at the end. We too are going through the adoption process. When I read this post, I knew so much how you are feeling this time of year. Christmas' were so hard because you are reminded how much revolves around kids and that makes the longing even harder. We were approved in June and were matched to a birth mom in late Oct. Our baby boy is coming the 26th of Dec. (in 3 days). It will happen for you. It was so disheartening when I saw other couples coming off the website and wondered what it was about them that they got picked etc. After meeting our birth mom I realized the wait was worth it. She was meant for us. I can't imagine being matched with anyone else. When we first met her and her family it was as if I was overlooking God putting all the pieces together. It all made sense. My biggest prayer when we began the wait was to not go through another Christmas without a baby. He has been so faithful down to the instance when our caseworker told us his due date. He too will be faithful to you. It does not make the wait any easier and you know His timing is perfect but allow yourself to grieve and mourn. One thing I always relied on was at the end of the adoption journey you know you will be matched with a baby whereas with fertility treatments, there are no guarantees. God has already hand picked your baby and most likely he/she is already growing inside your birth mom. The wait has been worth it, but don't ever allow yourself to brush off the dark times. It wasn't always easy. I wish the best for you all and hope next Christmas your home will be filled with a new little one.

Janet Spence